


Nothing Was The same.

by Weepinggothbaglefreak



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Argentina National Team, Canon Compliant, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Iwaizumi is a disaster, M/M, Oikawa argentina, Pre-Time Skip, Song Lyrics, They are both emotional, based on a hotel books song, haikyuu angst, im sorry, iwaoi angst, pre chapter 402, song: Nothing was the same
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:00:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26520295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weepinggothbaglefreak/pseuds/Weepinggothbaglefreak
Summary: Inspired by the song Nothing was the same by Hotel Books.Oikawa leaves for Argentina in a few hours, There are a lot of pent up feelings that have been simmering under the surface, waiting to spill over any second now.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 5
Kudos: 29





	Nothing Was The same.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Hey Hey! I made a sad iwaoi TikTok using the song "Nothing was the same." by Hotel Books. It got alot of views so i wrote a fic on it. I suck at editing so there's probably mistakes but i tried. I hope you enjoy!

I chose to believe every word I was fed. 

“I love you.” The soft voice of the sleepy brunette could barely be heard under all the covers. 

People will often throw those words around carelessly. 

And I thought the coals on my back were a product of the lack you left. 

Maybe He meant it this time but I doubt it. If he truly believed that he loved me he wouldn’t run away. 

And when you stepped back and racked your brain for a reason to stay. 

“Do you have to leave?” I asked, wrapping my arms around him tighter. 

But you could not seem to formulate any such thought in your head. 

“Unfortunately, yes.” Oikawa mumbled into my chest. 

“Why?” 

He thought for a second. 

“Because the plane ticket is already bought.” He joked. 

I hate when he does that. Avoiding a question with a stupid joke. 

But then again, Why would he stay? It’s not like Japan offered him anything. 

So you left with nothing more than a reason you kept silent. 

This was the last morning that we would be a couple. 

Oikawa and I had decided that long distance wasn’t going to work for us and we would either both have to move to Argentina or Break up. 

Unfortunately break up was the only real option we had. 

And my mind would riot stuck in self-perpetuated mental violence. 

I had beat myself up over it for months. 

I was gonna miss him so much. 

I was gonna miss the way the sun would catch his eyes making them look like honey. 

I was gonna miss the way the wind would ruffle his hair in different directions making it even more curly than before.

The way his voice sounded in the morning. 

The snuggles and coffee dates. 

The stupid alien movies he insisted on watching. 

And dreams kept private. 

Oikawa has lived in my head not only when I was awake but also in my sleep. I dreamed about him constantly. 

Breaking up shouldn’t be like this. 

The ambition to fix this wish list of selfish realist misfits. 

When Oikawa first told me about Argentina I had been so happy for him. 

Playing for Argentina had been a dream of his since we were kids. 

Unfortunately the excitement wore off fast for me. As much as I loved him I wasn’t ready to pack up my life and go to a foran country. 

Missions contained within a vision. 

As much as I hated him leaving I felt a sense of pride at the same time. He had worked so hard and it had paid off. 

All those late night practices,injuries,heartbreaks and losses had proved to be worth something. 

Of wishful thinking. 

Maybe I could go with him. I’m sure Argentina wouldn’t be that bad at least that’s what the dreamer dude of me wanted

Unfortunately the realist in me knew that I couldn’t. 

And sinking deep into a new bit of mis proportioned emotions.

Over the past few weeks I’d been feeling emotions I didn’t know even existed. 

They didn’t have names and I can’t describe them in words but they sucked. 

Leaking through a seeping truth. 

Oikawa’s flight was in 2 hours. 

I had 2 hours left of being his boyfriend. 

Constructed by my need to feel important.

I’m going to cherish these last couple hours.  
It’s going to be hard but I have to stay strong for Oikawa. 

This is what he wants! This is what he’s worked for years. 

When you would look back and think about all the things that you regret. 

Will he even care about me once it’s over? 

Sure we agreed to stay friends, but it will never be like before. 

I just wanted you to think of me. 

Oikawa had finished packing completely now. His room so Empty it almost echoed. 

I hated it. 

It felt like the closer the clock ticked to 1:00 the more Oikawa disappeared from my life. 

And think of all the little things you regret. I just wanted you to think of me. 

Oikawa insisted we watch another stupid alien movie, I didn’t dare complain though. 

This will be the last chance I get to do this with him as my boyfriend. 

When you think about all the things you regret. 

We both had regrets. He hid his much better than I did. 

They were mostly the same. Like not going to nationals, not spending more time with our team, things like that. 

But the thing that I regretted the most was falling in love with him. Not because he’s a bad person or partner but because I can’t really have him. 

I spent so much time convincing myself that the rest of this mess that I stressed within this relationship was a product was a product of the world's oppressions. 

I knew that Oikawa was leaving for himself. He was somewhat selfish like that but, I guess I was being selfish by wanting him to stay huh?

Not my deep Desire to be needed. 

I liked to convince myself that I was important to him. Deep down I think i always knew he would leave, I would be replaced but i liked to pretend that he would stay. 

And it's hard to admit but i guess i’ve come to terms with the fact that i just want to be needed. 

I knew he didn’t need me, Nobody really NEEDED anybody but it was nice to believe he did. 

And I convinced myself that i needed to be needed and if that was true i would still be smiling like you still today, but for different reasons. 

“Hajime, can you stop looking so down, I want today to feel okay. Please?” He whispered from his spot on the couch. 

How the fuck was anything okay? This dumbass! 

“Sorry.” The words sounded bad in my mouth and I could tell he understood but I still felt bad. Its not like im the one moving to the other side of the fucking world.

I choose to dismiss the possible instance that the lips I love to kiss could form the words “good-bye” .

Maybe if i pinch myself really hard i would wake up and realizew that this was just a stupid dream. So dismissing all reasoning I pinched myself, feeling my nails dig into the flesh on my forearm. It didn’t work, I was still on the sofa with tooru counting down the second before he disappeared from my world forever. 

“Hey? Are you okay?” Tooru asked sitting up from his slouched position.

“Yeah, I'm fine.” I didn’t look at him as i spoke, if i did i would surely cry. 

And it was a simple lie, but i told it to you like the captain of a sinking ship, choosing to believe the bottom of the ocean was a better source of oxygen. 

Although i couldn’t see it i could tell he was giving me the look of: No your not.

Fuck him. Fuck his tuition, Fuck him and his need to run away from everyone and everything just becuase it didn’t work out the first few times!

“I have to leave in 20 minutes.” He mumbled, “You’ll come into the airport with me, right?

“Yeah.” I hated the idea of him leaving but i wasn’t going to just let him disappear without saying a real goodbye.

It’s so nice and I still chose to believe I misinterpreted your dialect and everything you said about it. 

As he Shoved his suitcases into the trunk of my parents car I felt tears sting the back of my eyes. 

I pushed them down, not wanting Oikawa to know that this was hurting me so much. 

Your diction and dietribe, posture, body language and connotations all pointed in the same direction. The selection of contingent messages postponed until further notice. 

He sat facing away from me the whole ride to the airport. even his knees pointed away from me. 

It hurt. 

Becuase I was ashamed to admit the problem and pretend your happiness came from me, and that your happiness was important. 

He looked almost relieved when we got to the airport, a small smile spreading across his face. 

Did he really want to leave me so much? 

But we aborted the sorted truths we once distorted when i saw the shape of your dress when you wore it and that was enough until it wasn’t and that's when you finally felt supported. 

His hair was blown by the breeze slightly covering his eyes and the collar of his shirt was blown up hitting his cheek lightly. 

He was so beautiful. I wish I had told him that more. 

I wish I had said so many things but as they say: “You don’t know what you’ve got till it's gone.”

So the others courted you and you mentally recorded and endorsed the force performed of compliments you received came in and you felt empowered enough to take your final bow and find love within the arms of another instead of this heart of mine.

He got quite a few compliments on his way in, One from an older woman, one from a Girl about our age possibly younger and a few of the airport staff. Mostly on his hair or shirt but one employee told him he was “Hot as Hell.” Straight up. 

He thanked them, putting on his fake flirty smile. I hated when he did that. 

Come to think of it he would probably find an amazing significant other in Argentina, I mean with his looks it wouldn't be hard to find a date. They will probably tell him he was pretty daily. 

And that's fine because I would do the same and I would leave me. Not because I'm useless and not because I'm broken, not because I'm sad and not because I'm worthless but because I saw value in your smile and not in your values. 

I can’t really blame him for feeling excited about leaving. I never treated him right. He deserves more. More than I gave him and more than I could offer. 

As we walked towards the gate he started crying and before i knew it i was crying. 

And I'm sorry, and I love you. 

“I love you, And that's why I can finally sleep at night because you are free and you can thrive. and i'm just happy I got to be a part of his life.” He said, His voice strained from tears. 

Fuck. I could feel all the regret and the things I should have said came boiling up towards the surface finally spilling over the edge. 

“I'm Just happy I got to be a part of the journey that you call your life! And i finally feel fine ‘cause i spent so long trying to change you, not realizing it was the one who needed to change. I was selfish to assume you loved me more than you loved yourself!” I had to gasp for air letting tears stream down my face.

“Even though I never felt the same and there’s so many things that my selfishness tried to take away but you were the hardest to watch walk away.” I continued. 

The more I talked the harder we both cried. 

“But thank you for letting me be a part of everything you were building and creating!” I gasped out, The tears blocking my words. 

“And Finding truth in life and you were relating so much beauty.” He mumbled, quoting our japanese teacher from middle school, “And I love you.” His words got quieter and quieter the more tears he shed. 

“And i'm sorry!” I choked out. 

“AND THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME BE A PART OF YOUR JOURNEY!!” We said in unison, catching the attention of a couple passing by. 

“I have to go.” He sniffled, “My flight is leaving soon.” 

“Yeah, I-” I couldn’t find the strength to finish. 

He gave me one last hug before disappearing into the flight gate. 

“I love you.” I whispered one last time, under my breath. 

Thank you for letting me be me and thank you for setting me free and showing me life. 

The drive home was quite, too quiet but I couldn't bring myself to turn on the radio.

And showing me love in its full capacity. 

The End.


End file.
